Hey Blog,
It's been about ten days, but a lot has happened in that time. First things first...
I'M ON MY LAST FREAKIN' SEMESTER!
Yes, I am almost done. I'm sixteen weeks from total victory and jumping into the real world to fight a new battle for success and to change the world. That's right, I am on that path to change the world! I've already got a plan crafted (which is open to change should anything come up, I cover my bases), and am on the road to making it happen.
At any rate, I think that's for another time to talk about. Maybe I'll make another blog post sometime this week to explain it a little bit. Sorry blog, another time... another time.
So, the semester I'm still technically in... I managed to pull my grades up to a nice line up:
An A and straight B's! Freakin' awesome right? I know it's not straight A's... which I was going for, but some stuff came up this session and kind of held me up. I mean, that's why I kind of came back to the blog even, and you were there the whole time.
But I got awesome grades, and I'm really excited to get to my graduation ceremony in June. I'm even more excited to get this degree and get into the next step of my Ten Year plan. I'm very stoked, and lets see how we do as we go along!
--------------------------
On another note, I started another blog called: "Gunning for One-Sixty". I'm hoping to lose seventy-five pounds by summer time, although I know I wont actually lose seventy-five pounds, it's more a number to give me something as a reference. I imagine I'll reach about 185 and I'll start toning out. But we'll see how that goes, at any rate, you can check out that blog here:
www.gunningforonesixty.blogspot.com
I'm doing really well on this, and I'm going to be updating it soon after this one.
--------------------------
On another-other note, I took a look at my stats, and I noticed that I've got two readers from Malaysia, and one reader from Argentina. That's awesome, it really really is. I know it's not a lot in retrospect, but I think it's kind of cool that I've got some visitors from different countries. It's pretty awesome... to me at least.
--------------------------
So... the other day I got a chance to see my Beautiful Person for the first time in about a month and a half. It was really relieving to see that she is doing really good after her surgery...
Erm, I suppose I should explain a bit.
So, last Friday, I woke up from a nap and looked on Facebook to see people posting "Good Luck with surgery!". Well, to be honest, I think I had a small heart attack. I called my good friend and she kind of put my mind at ease a bit. But that doesn't change the fact that I freaked out a little bit. I prayed, pretty hard and it was on my mind for the rest of the night. That night, I received a call from my Beautiful Person's mother, and it caught me pretty off guard. But it turned out to be a very sudden thing, something that just kind of happened and she was rushed into the O.R. that very visit to the doctor.
I got a chance to talk to my Beautiful Person after several weeks of kind of avoiding talking to her (I need a little time). She was a little loopy, but it was great to hear she was doing all right. I also have a funny video of her playing E.T. which... I found pretty hilarious. But the relief was definitely there, despite how somewhat confused I was at the time.
So, the following week, I got to see my Beautiful Person again. I was glad to see she was doing good, and was thankful to get the chance to chat with her after quite some time. It was a little strange at first, but it didn't feel awkward or anything it was just... a lot of relief.
--------------------------------
These past ten days have been interesting, to say the least. But I'm definitely climbing upwards, and not falling downwards anymore. I've got a lot ahead of me, and I'm ready to get up there. Sorry again I haven't been posting as often, I got a little caught up with all what was going on in the past few weeks. But there's plenty more to come!
I'm feelin' good Blog, catch you soon!
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
How times have changed...
Hey Blog,
It's been awhile, I know, I have been pretty busy the past few weeks. I've been really focused on some stuff that have helped me keep distracted. I decided I'd take this time to really flesh out how much things have changed over the past several weeks a little bit. Let me tell you, they've changed quite a bit.
First off, I've started on my mission to lose seventy-five pounds by summer time. So far, I've dropped my weight down from 250 to 235 and it's dropping. So far, I'm about four or so weeks into my mission, and it's going really well. It started out by doing two mile jogs every day with some mixed exercise throughout. But, then it started to become more of a standard thing by doing two mile jogs every night, a four mile jog on Thursday nights. Now, I'm bumping it up to five mile bicycle rides everyday, and a four mile jog every night with a six mile jog on Thursday nights.
I'm eating more healthy, or at least as healthy as I can get with the dormitories menu. I'm sticking to lean meats, and getting fruits and veggies into my diet pretty much at every meal. I'm drinking lots of water, and having some small snacks every three hours or so to keep my body awake and burning.
I'm already noticing changes, and it feels really good. I'm thankful I've got something to distract me and keep me moving forward. I've kind of cut video games out of my life a little bit... which is disappointing, but a much needed break from them. I've been connecting more with friends, and keeping more in touch with the people in my life. It's really nice, as it helps a lot right now.
I suppose in a sense my way of thinking has changed as well this past month or so. I've grown more compassionate about others than ever before. My mode of thinking is more towards others, and I keep putting myself in other people's shoes. I'm reaching out to people, and being more positive to hopefully raise people's spirits. I've also been praying a lot... I mean, a lot. I've been praying for people who are struggling, people who have ailments, and I've been praying a great deal for my Beautiful Person. Every morning, I wake up and say a short prayer, every time I sit and eat a meal, I say a prayer over my food with my friends, and every time before I go out on a jog or bike ride I say a prayer, every night before I go to bed... I pray some more.
I've kind of found a place to go when I pray, a place to store my thoughts and my feelings and ultimately my love for others. I share that, and I give it up. I've found this love for the people around me that is so fulfilling, but to some it seems odd. I've grown a little enlightened I guess, grown a real understanding of what it means to look around myself and really seek to know what makes people think or do the things they do. I've been very forgiving, and very conscious of others. It feels nice, but in some cases, it's daunting.
I feel as though I'm getting stronger everyday, both in my body and my spirit. I'm working hard everyday to continue to grow on that, to continue to be a better person for those around me. But also to help be strong for the future ahead...
-------------------------------
To say I don't still think about my Beautiful Person every moment would be a lie. I still think about her, almost always. But when you spend so much time thinking about someone in your life, you can't just shake them out of it. They grow a residence there, and if you love someone, you undergo tortures for them. In a sense, it's made me stronger. I can still think about this person, and not be broken. It's actually quite a relieving feeling... knowing that they can be there, and it not be tearing me apart.
Although I do wonder if they think of me too, but I'd understand if they didn't. I don't think they think about me like I do for them, but that's fine. I pray for their happiness, always, and when I make wishes, I wish for them. Love is strange like that, and I'm really coming to understand what that really means.
I think the largest realization I've come to, is how happy I am with knowing that I know what it means to truly love someone from the bottom of the heart. To truly pour everything you have and know that it is going to the right place. I experienced something in life that people work toward their entire lives. I experienced what it meant to truly love someone, and that's an experience that I feel is amazing.
I'm happy with that fact, happy with my life as I am living it. I'm blessed with a wonderful family, an amazing family of friends, and I'm on my way to graduating and going out into the world with a new found fervor. I'm a very fortunate person, and I hope I can bring great things to others too. Life is beautiful, people are beautiful.
I've changed a lot Blog, but I'm thankful that it is in a good way. I've started to love myself more, which has not happened a lot in my past, if ever. So that allows me to grow stronger, so should my loved ones call, I can be there for them. I shall grow stronger, so that should the world call... perhaps I can be there for them too. I hope to see the world- No, I hope to change the world into a better place.
So, a few goals of mine that are underlying in my goal to start a company in the next ten years:
* Run some marathons locally.
* Do a triathlon in a foreign country.
* Travel to a foreign country (New Zealand? Japan?)
* Go on a few mission trips to places in need (Africa, South America, South-East Asia).
* Bring a smile to someone's face everyday.
* Love myself, Love those around me, and be Happy.
So, I've got to run to class. I'll see you in a bit Blog!
It's been awhile, I know, I have been pretty busy the past few weeks. I've been really focused on some stuff that have helped me keep distracted. I decided I'd take this time to really flesh out how much things have changed over the past several weeks a little bit. Let me tell you, they've changed quite a bit.
First off, I've started on my mission to lose seventy-five pounds by summer time. So far, I've dropped my weight down from 250 to 235 and it's dropping. So far, I'm about four or so weeks into my mission, and it's going really well. It started out by doing two mile jogs every day with some mixed exercise throughout. But, then it started to become more of a standard thing by doing two mile jogs every night, a four mile jog on Thursday nights. Now, I'm bumping it up to five mile bicycle rides everyday, and a four mile jog every night with a six mile jog on Thursday nights.
I'm eating more healthy, or at least as healthy as I can get with the dormitories menu. I'm sticking to lean meats, and getting fruits and veggies into my diet pretty much at every meal. I'm drinking lots of water, and having some small snacks every three hours or so to keep my body awake and burning.
I'm already noticing changes, and it feels really good. I'm thankful I've got something to distract me and keep me moving forward. I've kind of cut video games out of my life a little bit... which is disappointing, but a much needed break from them. I've been connecting more with friends, and keeping more in touch with the people in my life. It's really nice, as it helps a lot right now.
I suppose in a sense my way of thinking has changed as well this past month or so. I've grown more compassionate about others than ever before. My mode of thinking is more towards others, and I keep putting myself in other people's shoes. I'm reaching out to people, and being more positive to hopefully raise people's spirits. I've also been praying a lot... I mean, a lot. I've been praying for people who are struggling, people who have ailments, and I've been praying a great deal for my Beautiful Person. Every morning, I wake up and say a short prayer, every time I sit and eat a meal, I say a prayer over my food with my friends, and every time before I go out on a jog or bike ride I say a prayer, every night before I go to bed... I pray some more.
I've kind of found a place to go when I pray, a place to store my thoughts and my feelings and ultimately my love for others. I share that, and I give it up. I've found this love for the people around me that is so fulfilling, but to some it seems odd. I've grown a little enlightened I guess, grown a real understanding of what it means to look around myself and really seek to know what makes people think or do the things they do. I've been very forgiving, and very conscious of others. It feels nice, but in some cases, it's daunting.
I feel as though I'm getting stronger everyday, both in my body and my spirit. I'm working hard everyday to continue to grow on that, to continue to be a better person for those around me. But also to help be strong for the future ahead...
-------------------------------
To say I don't still think about my Beautiful Person every moment would be a lie. I still think about her, almost always. But when you spend so much time thinking about someone in your life, you can't just shake them out of it. They grow a residence there, and if you love someone, you undergo tortures for them. In a sense, it's made me stronger. I can still think about this person, and not be broken. It's actually quite a relieving feeling... knowing that they can be there, and it not be tearing me apart.
Although I do wonder if they think of me too, but I'd understand if they didn't. I don't think they think about me like I do for them, but that's fine. I pray for their happiness, always, and when I make wishes, I wish for them. Love is strange like that, and I'm really coming to understand what that really means.
I think the largest realization I've come to, is how happy I am with knowing that I know what it means to truly love someone from the bottom of the heart. To truly pour everything you have and know that it is going to the right place. I experienced something in life that people work toward their entire lives. I experienced what it meant to truly love someone, and that's an experience that I feel is amazing.
I'm happy with that fact, happy with my life as I am living it. I'm blessed with a wonderful family, an amazing family of friends, and I'm on my way to graduating and going out into the world with a new found fervor. I'm a very fortunate person, and I hope I can bring great things to others too. Life is beautiful, people are beautiful.
I've changed a lot Blog, but I'm thankful that it is in a good way. I've started to love myself more, which has not happened a lot in my past, if ever. So that allows me to grow stronger, so should my loved ones call, I can be there for them. I shall grow stronger, so that should the world call... perhaps I can be there for them too. I hope to see the world- No, I hope to change the world into a better place.
So, a few goals of mine that are underlying in my goal to start a company in the next ten years:
* Run some marathons locally.
* Do a triathlon in a foreign country.
* Travel to a foreign country (New Zealand? Japan?)
* Go on a few mission trips to places in need (Africa, South America, South-East Asia).
* Bring a smile to someone's face everyday.
* Love myself, Love those around me, and be Happy.
So, I've got to run to class. I'll see you in a bit Blog!
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Walking the Path
Hey Blog,
Before I go on, I'd like to say thank you to one of my commenters, BootyBump420, for the thoughtful comment that inspired me quite a bit. Thank you for your great words, it really does mean a lot.
----------------------------
So, it's been good these past few weeks, at least pretty good. Although today it was awesome, but that aside... it's been good. I've been getting out a lot more and doing stuff outside. I've been connecting with people that I felt like I've disconnected with, even though I feel I've got plenty more to do, I'm going into this a little bit slow. But it's good to get connected again.
Lately, I've been looking forward to writing songs for my younger sister Lisa. I'm trying to come up with stuff, been mostly looking at some YouTube artists who are really awesome. ClaraC, Paul Dateh, and Sam Ock. They're really talented artists, and have been pretty inspiring this week. I hope I can come up with some stuff for Lisa pretty soon so we can maybe hammer out a demo CD or something.
--------------------------
So, I've been feeling a lot better lately, at least since Saturday night. I went over to my friend's house, to deliver something to them and help them install it on their computer. Well, my Beautiful Person just so happens to live in the same house... and I was really skeptical about what was going to happen. I tried really hard to make it so that my Beautiful Person wouldn't be there, but as it turns out, my friend's schedule was a little busy and ended up pushing the appointment to pretty late that night. I was okay with it, I was just a little worried. I didn't want to push my presence onto my Beautiful Person, and make her feel like I'm forcing her to see me in some odd way.
Well, it worked out... kind of. It was an odd experience, a heart-wrenching one at that. I was a little more than ten feet away from my Beautiful Person, and couldn't see them, couldn't hear them. It was better that way, but it didn't make it hurt any less to be so close... yet so far away. The job was finished, and I ended up leaving a letter for my Beautiful Person, a letter in which I poured a lot of myself into.
I was surprised how that night actually effected me. I didn't feel as thrown back into a pit as I thought I would... but instead, I felt empowered. I endured what was quite a hard incident. It was really tough on me, but it helped me to realize that I could do this. It helped me to realize how selfish I was being before and how I should have been more understanding of the situation. After giving up the letter... I felt like I had somewhat more closure than I had before.
I feel ready though, to continue on my path, while my Beautiful Person continues on her's. She chose this journey, and I need to focus on mine. A knight needs his castle, and I plan on building on up and being successful with it. I still pray for my Beautiful Person, everyday, at least four times a day. I don't know how she took the letter... but I hope she read it a few times and really absorbed what I had to say.
At any rate, I feel stronger now, I've been laughing and feeling so much better. I'm licking my lips about going to class, and doing my work and thinking about what I can do. I was in a funk, and now I'm in a groove. I know I can do this, and I want to succeed whether my path converges with my Beautiful Person or some other Beautiful Person who might come my way. I must continue to walk the path, help those around me... guide those around me.
I am on a path, a path that compels me to help people I meet. Love them, without conditions, and show them what that really means. Not through words, or text... but through action. I wont give up on people, I want to give them someone they can always look to, to stand by them when they feel alone. I know that God is always there for people, but if they see someone there... someone behind them who is walking the path, maybe they'll do the same for others. I don't expect them to, but I hope it'll help.
I am a very lucky individual, blessed with a beautiful family who loves me and supports me. A beautiful set of friends who I care deeply about, and they do the same for me. I have dreams, goals, and motivation. I am truly blessed.
"But what man is a man who does not seek to make the world a better place?"
and what kind of life is there to live if not to bring good to others?
I hope I can bring good to others. Be it using Video Games in my foreseeable future, or taking mission trips to countries in need. I want to help make the world a better place. That is my path.
"I shall help people, not because I want to, but because they need it."
I shall be there, I shall help those in need, I will walk the path...
I'm sorry I didn't post earlier this week, I'll have to be more on top of that. I'll catch you later Blog!
Before I go on, I'd like to say thank you to one of my commenters, BootyBump420, for the thoughtful comment that inspired me quite a bit. Thank you for your great words, it really does mean a lot.
----------------------------
So, it's been good these past few weeks, at least pretty good. Although today it was awesome, but that aside... it's been good. I've been getting out a lot more and doing stuff outside. I've been connecting with people that I felt like I've disconnected with, even though I feel I've got plenty more to do, I'm going into this a little bit slow. But it's good to get connected again.
Lately, I've been looking forward to writing songs for my younger sister Lisa. I'm trying to come up with stuff, been mostly looking at some YouTube artists who are really awesome. ClaraC, Paul Dateh, and Sam Ock. They're really talented artists, and have been pretty inspiring this week. I hope I can come up with some stuff for Lisa pretty soon so we can maybe hammer out a demo CD or something.
--------------------------
So, I've been feeling a lot better lately, at least since Saturday night. I went over to my friend's house, to deliver something to them and help them install it on their computer. Well, my Beautiful Person just so happens to live in the same house... and I was really skeptical about what was going to happen. I tried really hard to make it so that my Beautiful Person wouldn't be there, but as it turns out, my friend's schedule was a little busy and ended up pushing the appointment to pretty late that night. I was okay with it, I was just a little worried. I didn't want to push my presence onto my Beautiful Person, and make her feel like I'm forcing her to see me in some odd way.
Well, it worked out... kind of. It was an odd experience, a heart-wrenching one at that. I was a little more than ten feet away from my Beautiful Person, and couldn't see them, couldn't hear them. It was better that way, but it didn't make it hurt any less to be so close... yet so far away. The job was finished, and I ended up leaving a letter for my Beautiful Person, a letter in which I poured a lot of myself into.
I was surprised how that night actually effected me. I didn't feel as thrown back into a pit as I thought I would... but instead, I felt empowered. I endured what was quite a hard incident. It was really tough on me, but it helped me to realize that I could do this. It helped me to realize how selfish I was being before and how I should have been more understanding of the situation. After giving up the letter... I felt like I had somewhat more closure than I had before.
I feel ready though, to continue on my path, while my Beautiful Person continues on her's. She chose this journey, and I need to focus on mine. A knight needs his castle, and I plan on building on up and being successful with it. I still pray for my Beautiful Person, everyday, at least four times a day. I don't know how she took the letter... but I hope she read it a few times and really absorbed what I had to say.
At any rate, I feel stronger now, I've been laughing and feeling so much better. I'm licking my lips about going to class, and doing my work and thinking about what I can do. I was in a funk, and now I'm in a groove. I know I can do this, and I want to succeed whether my path converges with my Beautiful Person or some other Beautiful Person who might come my way. I must continue to walk the path, help those around me... guide those around me.
I am on a path, a path that compels me to help people I meet. Love them, without conditions, and show them what that really means. Not through words, or text... but through action. I wont give up on people, I want to give them someone they can always look to, to stand by them when they feel alone. I know that God is always there for people, but if they see someone there... someone behind them who is walking the path, maybe they'll do the same for others. I don't expect them to, but I hope it'll help.
I am a very lucky individual, blessed with a beautiful family who loves me and supports me. A beautiful set of friends who I care deeply about, and they do the same for me. I have dreams, goals, and motivation. I am truly blessed.
"But what man is a man who does not seek to make the world a better place?"
and what kind of life is there to live if not to bring good to others?
I hope I can bring good to others. Be it using Video Games in my foreseeable future, or taking mission trips to countries in need. I want to help make the world a better place. That is my path.
"I shall help people, not because I want to, but because they need it."
I shall be there, I shall help those in need, I will walk the path...
I'm sorry I didn't post earlier this week, I'll have to be more on top of that. I'll catch you later Blog!
Monday, January 24, 2011
No rest for the wicked...
Hey Blog,
So... it's been pretty crazy the past several weeks. All kinds of things have been happening, and it seems like my bad luck has been building and building as time is passing. I haven't really had a chance to stand up before finding myself crawling on the floor again. Times are rough, but I'm getting by the best a man can in times of trouble.
Well, lets get down to business... so far, my car has broken down the day before a freakin' midterm. Had a bit of an emergency some days before. This weekend has been a crazy one, one of ups and downs. This entire week has been somewhat like this, but nothing like the weekend itself.
So, lets get down to the smaller stuff now. My car broke down last night while I was hitting the 580 to 880 south bound junction. I found myself unable to shift gears as my gear box seemed to become a huge hole in my car. So, I pulled off the freeway and turned onto Broadway where I called my dad. I got a hold of AAA and got a tow back home. Unfortunately... I have a midterm today, and now I'm sitting here a little stressed out that I might not be able to get a reschedule. From what I hear, my professor is very sick (in which I'm praying for his health).
I really don't have much of a choice in this matter involving my car. So I hope that there's a possibility of me being able to take the midterm on a later date. Otherwise... I'm pretty damned screwed. My luck has been really poor lately, and I hope it'll pick up soon.
Beautiful Person...
Well, I've finally gotten some closure it seems. The hope in which I was clinging too foolishly was finally given way to a more harsher reality... but it has left me with higher level of promise. I know, deep in my heart, that my beautiful person didn't mean for what happened to happen. I forgive them from the bottom of my heart for what happened.
My beautiful person was missing something... something very important. Something that I hope they know they need to fill that missing area before they can truly give themselves to someone. This missing piece, is why it seemed in the long run that the passion was not as mutual. I hope, and I pray that my beautiful person will refill this something and be able to love themselves more. Not be as critical about themselves, and truly be themselves, not what others might look upon them. They're a beautiful person, inside and out, and I truly love that about them.
I really hope that my beautiful person will find themselves, and find happiness. But most of all, I hope that they'll be able to rebuild what they had been missing, so that they can truly give everything to someone, and not be in fear that there might be something else. When one is not missing pieces, they can truly make a leap of faith for another person. But till they are complete, and have found as much as there is to know about someone that they can find on their own, they will not be able to make that jump.
I'll truly miss my beautiful person, and I hope I can still have them in my life... but time will truly tell from here.
Take it easy Blog... lets hope things start looking up...
So... it's been pretty crazy the past several weeks. All kinds of things have been happening, and it seems like my bad luck has been building and building as time is passing. I haven't really had a chance to stand up before finding myself crawling on the floor again. Times are rough, but I'm getting by the best a man can in times of trouble.
Well, lets get down to business... so far, my car has broken down the day before a freakin' midterm. Had a bit of an emergency some days before. This weekend has been a crazy one, one of ups and downs. This entire week has been somewhat like this, but nothing like the weekend itself.
So, lets get down to the smaller stuff now. My car broke down last night while I was hitting the 580 to 880 south bound junction. I found myself unable to shift gears as my gear box seemed to become a huge hole in my car. So, I pulled off the freeway and turned onto Broadway where I called my dad. I got a hold of AAA and got a tow back home. Unfortunately... I have a midterm today, and now I'm sitting here a little stressed out that I might not be able to get a reschedule. From what I hear, my professor is very sick (in which I'm praying for his health).
I really don't have much of a choice in this matter involving my car. So I hope that there's a possibility of me being able to take the midterm on a later date. Otherwise... I'm pretty damned screwed. My luck has been really poor lately, and I hope it'll pick up soon.
Beautiful Person...
Well, I've finally gotten some closure it seems. The hope in which I was clinging too foolishly was finally given way to a more harsher reality... but it has left me with higher level of promise. I know, deep in my heart, that my beautiful person didn't mean for what happened to happen. I forgive them from the bottom of my heart for what happened.
My beautiful person was missing something... something very important. Something that I hope they know they need to fill that missing area before they can truly give themselves to someone. This missing piece, is why it seemed in the long run that the passion was not as mutual. I hope, and I pray that my beautiful person will refill this something and be able to love themselves more. Not be as critical about themselves, and truly be themselves, not what others might look upon them. They're a beautiful person, inside and out, and I truly love that about them.
I really hope that my beautiful person will find themselves, and find happiness. But most of all, I hope that they'll be able to rebuild what they had been missing, so that they can truly give everything to someone, and not be in fear that there might be something else. When one is not missing pieces, they can truly make a leap of faith for another person. But till they are complete, and have found as much as there is to know about someone that they can find on their own, they will not be able to make that jump.
I'll truly miss my beautiful person, and I hope I can still have them in my life... but time will truly tell from here.
Take it easy Blog... lets hope things start looking up...
Thursday, January 20, 2011
The work out that might just have changed my life...
Hey Blog,
I know it's really late... but I just had to post this up. I just had a great workout, and this workout really gave me some perspective. I don't know what it was, but I breathed so clearly while I ran and did all of my exercises and I'd never felt so alive while doing a workout like I did tonight. It was... an incredible experience, that I don't think I have ever gone through while doing something like this.
Well, when I concluded my jog... I took a moment and I prayed. I prayed for a long time for my beautiful person. I prayed for the journey that was ahead, and I prayed for the goals I hoped to obtain. I found a confidence in that moment that seemed to pierce into my soul, in a good way. I felt confident in my ability to burn off seventy-five pounds by the summer time. I felt confident in my ability to get through this hardship, and continue to be who I am. I felt confident in my beautiful person's journey, and I'm glad she took this time to make this choice. I want her to find herself on this journey, and I do hope that one day she'll return. If she does, I hope we can carry on from where we left off when it ended... a beautiful relationship, where every kiss was like a fresh breath of air, and every smile was like a new day.
I know it may seem like I'm banking on that in a silly manner. But... I am confident in the way things are. I was a jerk over the past few days, and it was wrong for me to do some of the things I did. I was confused, and out of that I became foolish and did silly things. I'm sorry... to the people that I got caught in the middle, my great friends, my friend's awesome parent, and my beautiful person. You all mean the world to me, and I hope I can make the best of things this year.
I still have a lot of questions, and I'm still not sure about some things. But my confusion isn't blinding me, I now just have questions. I have passion right now, for things to come, and the things that I might learn. I still know what I want, and I still want to stick to my goals. But right now, I feel filled with hope, faith, and strength.
I love you my beautiful person. I love you my wonderful friends. I'm ready for the path ahead, and I will stop at nothing to go forward. I will continue to grow, I will finish my education, and I will build the Bat Cave I told you about beautiful person. I told God that I knew you'd do great things for the world, and I stick to that.
The world is a beautiful place... and the path ahead is rife with wonder. Although your smile wont usher the sun up for me, I think I'm willing to go on without it for a bit... God knows I'll miss it. But, I hope you'll continue to smile bright regardless, and never bring yourself down, always bring yourself up. You're a beautiful girl, body, mind, and soul. Don't forget it!
All right, lets do this!
Take it easy Blog!
I know it's really late... but I just had to post this up. I just had a great workout, and this workout really gave me some perspective. I don't know what it was, but I breathed so clearly while I ran and did all of my exercises and I'd never felt so alive while doing a workout like I did tonight. It was... an incredible experience, that I don't think I have ever gone through while doing something like this.
Well, when I concluded my jog... I took a moment and I prayed. I prayed for a long time for my beautiful person. I prayed for the journey that was ahead, and I prayed for the goals I hoped to obtain. I found a confidence in that moment that seemed to pierce into my soul, in a good way. I felt confident in my ability to burn off seventy-five pounds by the summer time. I felt confident in my ability to get through this hardship, and continue to be who I am. I felt confident in my beautiful person's journey, and I'm glad she took this time to make this choice. I want her to find herself on this journey, and I do hope that one day she'll return. If she does, I hope we can carry on from where we left off when it ended... a beautiful relationship, where every kiss was like a fresh breath of air, and every smile was like a new day.
I know it may seem like I'm banking on that in a silly manner. But... I am confident in the way things are. I was a jerk over the past few days, and it was wrong for me to do some of the things I did. I was confused, and out of that I became foolish and did silly things. I'm sorry... to the people that I got caught in the middle, my great friends, my friend's awesome parent, and my beautiful person. You all mean the world to me, and I hope I can make the best of things this year.
I still have a lot of questions, and I'm still not sure about some things. But my confusion isn't blinding me, I now just have questions. I have passion right now, for things to come, and the things that I might learn. I still know what I want, and I still want to stick to my goals. But right now, I feel filled with hope, faith, and strength.
I love you my beautiful person. I love you my wonderful friends. I'm ready for the path ahead, and I will stop at nothing to go forward. I will continue to grow, I will finish my education, and I will build the Bat Cave I told you about beautiful person. I told God that I knew you'd do great things for the world, and I stick to that.
The world is a beautiful place... and the path ahead is rife with wonder. Although your smile wont usher the sun up for me, I think I'm willing to go on without it for a bit... God knows I'll miss it. But, I hope you'll continue to smile bright regardless, and never bring yourself down, always bring yourself up. You're a beautiful girl, body, mind, and soul. Don't forget it!
All right, lets do this!
Take it easy Blog!
Monday, January 17, 2011
Angels, fences, and puppies.
Hey Blog,
This weekend has been a mixture of things and has been pretty crazy. I mean, it had to have, since I'm posting twice within a day of the last post. Well, I guess my last post didn't really constitute as a blog about it, but more of how I was feeling. I suppose that'll happen quite a bit as this goes along... so bear with me Blog.
So, yesterday I went to a Gun show with my dad at the Cow Palace in Daly City/San Francisco. It was great, there were a ton of people there, and awesome stuff to see. A lot of the people there were from the last one, and it was great to see some of the same things there again, and disappointing to see some things not there (HELMET GUY!!?? NOO!!!!). But, overall, it was a cool Gun Show.
Although... what happened to me all day was not all that spectacular. The reason I say that is because, well... throughout the entire day I saw my beautiful person from upon waking up, to the end of the day. When I woke up, I saw her there beside me... smiling. When I blinked, she was gone... and it made my heart sink. I tried to let it go, and go throughout the day but I continued to see her in the crowd smiling back at me, going around the corner, and even driving in vehicles around me. When I closed my eyes, she was there. Later on in the day, my great friend from high school called me. At first, I thought I heard her saying, "Hey you" like my beautiful person did before. It scared me, but I was excited... thinking I was hearing from her again finally. I was so scared I didn't even realize it was my great friend.
My friend calling was helpful... but I felt myself slipping as the day was coming to an end. I was driven into some sort of confusion, and found myself thinking I had "Given everything, and yet I LOST." I was so down at that point... I had lost my cool. My friend tried to bring me to my sense, and I did somewhat, in a sense he helped me get to sleep that night... having played a game with me for a little while.
Sunday, I went with my father to build a fence. We went out to buy the materials, and at some point we were really ready to get the puppy already. We didn't though, because the woman who is giving the puppy to us was getting them their shots. So, we took it upon ourselves to build the fence now, even though the puppy wont need it for a few months. Go figure, ha.
So, we built it, which was a little frustrating but we managed to get it done in a few hours. The long part is done, but we've got another, smaller (thankfully) fence to make on the side of our house. We've pretty much going for a dog run for the puppy to grow into. So, next weekend we'll be getting a puppy on my younger sister's birthday.
On Sunday nights, I volunteer at my church as a Youth Leader for high school students. We played board games tonight, and it was really fun playing Clue and The Game Of Life. But when the meeting was over, I had a long discussion with my fellow leaders, both are older than me and I look up to them a lot. We talked about our thoughts on things, and how we felt about stuff. It was a great conversation where I told them about how I coined the phrase, "If Angels can cry, why can't we?". In that time, my other Youth Leader asked me, "Why do you think Angel's cry?" and I talked a bit about the movie Legion... which I thought was only a good movie based on the dialogue alone. I told him, "I believe Angels cry when they see people do great things for others from the heart."
I made a lot of realizations from that conversation, more particularly on how disgusted I feel with myself for thinking I had given it all only to lost with my beautiful person. It was in the conversation that I realized that I had given it all and gained everything. I have grown a lot from the last few weeks... A LOT. I've learned a lot about myself, and about how I should live. I still know what I want... and I still want this beautiful person by my side forever... but I know I have to be patient.
I told this beautiful person that I would wait for her as long as it takes. I promised... and I stand by my promises.
At any rate, I'm stoked about the puppy, and I look forward to the next week to come. Wish me luck, and take care Blog!
This weekend has been a mixture of things and has been pretty crazy. I mean, it had to have, since I'm posting twice within a day of the last post. Well, I guess my last post didn't really constitute as a blog about it, but more of how I was feeling. I suppose that'll happen quite a bit as this goes along... so bear with me Blog.
So, yesterday I went to a Gun show with my dad at the Cow Palace in Daly City/San Francisco. It was great, there were a ton of people there, and awesome stuff to see. A lot of the people there were from the last one, and it was great to see some of the same things there again, and disappointing to see some things not there (HELMET GUY!!?? NOO!!!!). But, overall, it was a cool Gun Show.
Although... what happened to me all day was not all that spectacular. The reason I say that is because, well... throughout the entire day I saw my beautiful person from upon waking up, to the end of the day. When I woke up, I saw her there beside me... smiling. When I blinked, she was gone... and it made my heart sink. I tried to let it go, and go throughout the day but I continued to see her in the crowd smiling back at me, going around the corner, and even driving in vehicles around me. When I closed my eyes, she was there. Later on in the day, my great friend from high school called me. At first, I thought I heard her saying, "Hey you" like my beautiful person did before. It scared me, but I was excited... thinking I was hearing from her again finally. I was so scared I didn't even realize it was my great friend.
My friend calling was helpful... but I felt myself slipping as the day was coming to an end. I was driven into some sort of confusion, and found myself thinking I had "Given everything, and yet I LOST." I was so down at that point... I had lost my cool. My friend tried to bring me to my sense, and I did somewhat, in a sense he helped me get to sleep that night... having played a game with me for a little while.
Sunday, I went with my father to build a fence. We went out to buy the materials, and at some point we were really ready to get the puppy already. We didn't though, because the woman who is giving the puppy to us was getting them their shots. So, we took it upon ourselves to build the fence now, even though the puppy wont need it for a few months. Go figure, ha.
So, we built it, which was a little frustrating but we managed to get it done in a few hours. The long part is done, but we've got another, smaller (thankfully) fence to make on the side of our house. We've pretty much going for a dog run for the puppy to grow into. So, next weekend we'll be getting a puppy on my younger sister's birthday.
On Sunday nights, I volunteer at my church as a Youth Leader for high school students. We played board games tonight, and it was really fun playing Clue and The Game Of Life. But when the meeting was over, I had a long discussion with my fellow leaders, both are older than me and I look up to them a lot. We talked about our thoughts on things, and how we felt about stuff. It was a great conversation where I told them about how I coined the phrase, "If Angels can cry, why can't we?". In that time, my other Youth Leader asked me, "Why do you think Angel's cry?" and I talked a bit about the movie Legion... which I thought was only a good movie based on the dialogue alone. I told him, "I believe Angels cry when they see people do great things for others from the heart."
I made a lot of realizations from that conversation, more particularly on how disgusted I feel with myself for thinking I had given it all only to lost with my beautiful person. It was in the conversation that I realized that I had given it all and gained everything. I have grown a lot from the last few weeks... A LOT. I've learned a lot about myself, and about how I should live. I still know what I want... and I still want this beautiful person by my side forever... but I know I have to be patient.
I told this beautiful person that I would wait for her as long as it takes. I promised... and I stand by my promises.
At any rate, I'm stoked about the puppy, and I look forward to the next week to come. Wish me luck, and take care Blog!
Saturday, January 15, 2011
To the Eye of the Storm
Hey Blog,
This week has been another week of chaos, and has left me with little time to really breath and recover from things. It seems every time I turn around, or set myself down to rest there is another thing that pops up and slaps me in the face. I haven't been sleeping well... and I haven't been able to recover from a wrecked sleep schedule, which has effected my school as well in the worst possible way. My professor shows more disappointment in me everyday, and it hurts to feel so pathetic. It seems like every time I go up a stone on this mountain, it gets taller and taller. Every time the peak seems so at hand and I will finally get a moment to take a breath, it disappears in the fog.
I'm tired, I feel so at the bottom, and I am full of anguish it's bearing down on me. Seriously, it's hell in a hand-basket. I mean, I've got so much clarity as to what is going on, but I've never felt so damned lost in my life. I've felt lost before, but this goes beyond anything that's ever happened in the past. I am drifting in the storm, and am unsure whether I should sail out of it... or if I should continue inside hoping the eye will show me my fate. It's frightening, and the world is upside down.
This feeling, that there's no air, is kicking my butt. I just want to have a moment of rest but it's no where at all. Ugh, I'm so tired... I just want to sleep but I'm afraid to. What the hell Blog? What the hell?
Save me, please? Or.... tranquilize me or something.
Till then, I'll drift for awhile and see where the storm will take me. If it doesn't consume me first....
This week has been another week of chaos, and has left me with little time to really breath and recover from things. It seems every time I turn around, or set myself down to rest there is another thing that pops up and slaps me in the face. I haven't been sleeping well... and I haven't been able to recover from a wrecked sleep schedule, which has effected my school as well in the worst possible way. My professor shows more disappointment in me everyday, and it hurts to feel so pathetic. It seems like every time I go up a stone on this mountain, it gets taller and taller. Every time the peak seems so at hand and I will finally get a moment to take a breath, it disappears in the fog.
I'm tired, I feel so at the bottom, and I am full of anguish it's bearing down on me. Seriously, it's hell in a hand-basket. I mean, I've got so much clarity as to what is going on, but I've never felt so damned lost in my life. I've felt lost before, but this goes beyond anything that's ever happened in the past. I am drifting in the storm, and am unsure whether I should sail out of it... or if I should continue inside hoping the eye will show me my fate. It's frightening, and the world is upside down.
This feeling, that there's no air, is kicking my butt. I just want to have a moment of rest but it's no where at all. Ugh, I'm so tired... I just want to sleep but I'm afraid to. What the hell Blog? What the hell?
Save me, please? Or.... tranquilize me or something.
Till then, I'll drift for awhile and see where the storm will take me. If it doesn't consume me first....
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