Hm... it's a little complicated.

Hey Blog,

So, I'm sorry I haven't been paying as much attention to you as Blog 2. I know you're a little lonely over here, so I decided it was best for me to finally come over here and post on you. It's been a little tough bringing myself to do it on account that a lot of things have been happening over the past few weeks. It's been really busy, and I haven't really had too many chances to stop and just post on my blog.

Senior Project is here, and I'm also undergoing another class that is actually packing in a lot of extra work for me. Which is tough, since most of that work is paper work related, and for Senior Project I'm the project manager basically... so there's plenty of paper work to be had here!

But lets get on to the stuff that's important to know about right? I mean, after all, it wouldn't be a very good blog post if I didn't go over all the stuff that was going on in my life at the time. So as I tack-tack away at my keyboard and it makes a cool sound, I'm just going to break it down for you I suppose. Here we go!


It's complicated...

So, lately... I've been seeing a lot more of my Beautiful Person. Several weeks ago, we started to hang out again, I met up with her after her surgery and we started to talk a lot more. I know you don't have a facebook of your own Blog, but we've been kind of active on there a lot more than we were before. We've been talking through texts, on the phone, meeting up and hanging out. Although both of us speculate it's been a little bit too fast considering how we went from pretty much nothing, to seeing a whole lot of each other in a short time. So, we're taking some steps back...

You're probably wondering, "Why is that complicated? It seems like you both have it pretty sorted out." Well, yeah, we've kind of got it sorted out, but we're working on finding our balance to be friends. But that's hard when you're in a position where... you don't necessarily know what it's like to be friends anymore. The comfort, the ability to be so close in proximity without awkwardness, and even some of the stuff one normally wouldn't do around someone else who was just a "friend".

Me and my Beautiful Person are maintaining a lot of strength in this. It's tough on us both, but we manage to keep control over our urges. Which... at this point is really kicking our butts if you ask me. But we're strong, and our respect for each other is too high to let that ruin this whole thing.

The other day I broke it down to my Beautiful Person how I felt. I told her everything that I was feeling, and that I would still be waiting. How it was her only, and no one else, that I would stand by her always... even if someone else is in her life. My Beautiful Person told me how much she wanted to be together again, but couldn't... that we both needed this time.

As much as I don't want to think about that, she is most definitely right. We both need this time to sort ourselves out. I'm working really hard on finishing my degree, I am working on myself as a person, and if you talk at all to Blog 2 you can see my progress on getting myself healthier. It's going good for the most part, to the point where I can say things are great with confidence, and not feel like there's something holding me back.

But what really makes things complicated, is just how I don't know what to think really. I trust in my Beautiful Person's word, and her thoughts, and her feelings. I respect everything she tells me, and above all I respect her. We're taking steps backwards, and it's important that we do. I told her already that it didn't matter how hard it might get, or how it might even be impossible to bear... that I would make it, that I would maintain strength through this.

As much as I hope we can be together again, we can't really tell where this might end up. But I've come to realize that I should just let this happen, see where this river takes us. Even though it seems complicated, it shouldn't rob me of my focus. I need to finish my degree, and I need to get healthy... in which I've only got about three months left!

But the bottom of the line is... I love my Beautiful Person, and that just wont change. The hardest part about it, is that I keep getting told how stupid of an idea it is to sit around waiting. That I'm not stupid, but the idea is... well, that's just about saying that I'm stupid too at any rate. But, it doesn't really matter to me. I confronted my father about it the other day, because he keeps telling me how unrealistic it is to think that one's first love can be the one you're with forever. Well, it really doesn't matter how unrealistic or fantasy it might be... it's still possible. Although it seems like it all points against me, I find strength in my passion, faith, and hope. She is the only one that truly belongs beside me. That feeling, that wont change.

I just wish more people were behind me on how I feel. I mean, more so than my roommate to say the least. I understand they just don't want to watch me crash and burn into the ground riding this zeppelin of an idea. But... I'd rather ride an idea into the ground, than abandon it and watch it float away from me.

Finding Focus...

So, with that whole thing going on with my Beautiful Person, I've been a little tied up in the mind lately. I'm working really hard to quell all of what's going on in my life right now. There's a lot of stuff going on in school that's just keeping me packed up with crap to do. My one class has a crap ton of deadlines, my Senior Project is working great right now, but I still have a lot of work to do. It gets more and more stressful as the days go on, but I've got confidence in the people around me to make this through. Unfortunately, I need more confidence in me to make this too.

I've been growing in confidence in myself a lot since... well "The Great Divide". We'll just call it that for now just because I like giving stuff titles. I've started to love myself more, and find myself loving this ability to start being a champion. I want to be a champion, and making my body better and healthier is a way of getting there. But more importantly, I've started planning out my future to better reach my goal of being a champion, not just for me, but to help change the world. So, just like I told you I'd explain, I'm going to do that here:

By thirty, I expect to start my own development studio under a name I've been using for awhile. I plan on utilizing connections and assets that I've been building over the years to help me out with this. I'll be collecting a lot of my friends, who I know are passionate and talented and we will get this going.

By thirty-five, I want to start expending that studio to be able to handle production instead of just development. I plan on taking in smaller studio's and having them handle more game production so that we can start increasing our revenue.

About this time, I would like to start a non-profit organization that will focus on bringing relief to disaster stricken countries (such as Japan and Haiti), but also help by sending groups to other countries where relief is necessary (Africa, and some parts of South America). Along with this non-profit, I will be hoping to have started a group that focuses on helping students who are graduated from High School and ranging to about Sophomore year in college to help them cope with college life. I hope to have expanded this group idea to more cities in the country and hopefully I can have the organization fund for these kids to go out and do missionary work around the world.

By forty, I hope to have expanded both the company and the organization to be stronger, and larger. I will start building a committee for both of people I trust to uphold the integrity of both companies and maintain them. At this point, I haven't decided what shall happen from there, but I've got a good feeling I'll continue to be doing things with both, but will mostly be focusing on the non-profit. I plan on making smaller branches that will hold a better focus, so that if people want to be able to volunteer and do a specific task around the world, they can go to that area of the organization to make it easier.

From there, I'm still deciding what I shall do. I want to travel probably, or continue to build on my family at that point. Personal goals aside, this is a list of my professional goals mostly. I'm very behind this plan, even though it's highly open to change at some point. But the basics are there, how I get to them, or accomplish them is most likely prone to change.

My passion to be apart of the game industry stemmed from me wanting to bring happiness to the world in some form or way. Video games, make a lot of people happy, and hopefully I could use that to accomplish more than just bringing a game to a console or PC in a lot of homes. I wanted to use what I got from making those games, to focus on something that's true goal was to bring happiness to places where hope might seem lost. Helping others around the world is more than what Video Games can provide. So, I will do both.

As for my personal life goals... well, I want to be a father eventually, and have a beautiful family that I can provide security for. Bring happiness everyday, and things like that. But that... is something I can't plan out on my own, but with someone else. We'll see how that goes though, so no promises, and nothing is set in stone on that one. Sorry Blog.

At any rate, I'll post again soon Blog. Hope this has been a fantastical update.