Eternity everyday...

Hey Blog,

So... this week seems to have dragged on for what seems to be forever. I'm driving home soon, but frankly, I'm afraid to. But, I want to see Lisa, my sister, and hang out with some people. I'm tempted to stick around this weekend, but I can't do that this time around. I've got stuff to do, and people to see.

This week, has been pretty grueling, not because my classes... but other things have been on my mind. It seemed like it was all a dream that I would wake up from. As much as I wish I could, I know it wont happen that way. I'm in it now, I just wish it didn't take so long to get from day to day. It feels like eternity everyday... and I feel like my feet sink into the floor every time I take a step.

Thinking about going home has me kind of haunted. My stomach feels odd every time I think about it. Looking forward to the weekends feels different, almost uninspired. I cling to being able to see my family, especially Lis'... but she's busy and I have a feeling I'll be sitting around kind of alone. Which, it's hard enough to be in a room full of my friends without feeling a little sunk over my head. I suppose in a sense it's been hard to breathe, and I've felt a little out of place. A little drained at sometimes, and sometimes I feel like my drive has taken a screeching halt.

The other day, I was playing DnD with some friends, and a pretty depressing thing happened to my character. The problem is, I almost felt like that was the last straw for me. It was almost symbolic... having my character be turned into something he didn't want to be in the first place. Losing things that were important to him, and ending up something else. I was deeply upset losing that character, at the same time... I knew it happened. But, it still left me pretty upset, and I hope I don't end up the same way. I wanted to be someone else... but it seemed like I ended up just like I really was. My escape became just another type of prison, and as much as I know my friend didn't mean to make it turn out that way... it just seemed to happen.

I guess, there really isn't any rest for the wicked. I'm still looking for an up and up to all of this. A lot of people have been supporting me, and I've been clawing myself up from what seems to be a freakin' pit. But, it's hard... damn this sucks, I wish I was a better rock climber...