Trouble in Tom Town, and something you should know...

Hey Blog,

So, for the past several days I've been distracting myself with a Garry's Mod game called: Trouble in Terrorist Town. It's been keeping me really distracted for that time frame, and it's been really helpful. In some cases at least... in other cases it's been kind of bad. Like, with my sleeping schedule for instance, but at the same time I can't blame it for that. At any rate... for those of you who have Steam and the Source games, if you have the Source games and are wondering about whether or not to get Garry's Mod. Well, for TTT alone, it's worth it.

That aside, lets get on to other stuff that's been going on. Well, I've come to a realization about the situation I'm in. As much as it sucks, I should be a bit more open to the idea considering how important it is to the person I care so much about. Although they're leaving me, and I hope its for a short time , I want them to happy. I now know I've been kind of selfish over the past week or so. I've been selfish in thinking about how the situation pertains to me. But who would blame me? Well, me obviously... but that's aside from the point.

What's important to me, is that this beautiful person who I hold so dearly in my heart... grows like she wants to. I want her to be happy, to blossom, and to find herself. Although I want to be with this person, I know that there are times when people need to go on a journey alone. This is one of those instances, and I support them with the utmost intensity. I know, that they know... that I'll be there for them whenever they need. Hell, I'll attend their wedding if it came to that, because I love them... and I've always held closely that sometimes one must let someone go if they really do care no matter what the outcome.

My life I've spent a lot of time thinking for others, and in this case I thought greatly for myself. For once in my life, I had a selfish moment and it filled me with grief and I hurt. But over the course of the week I've had many conversations with people involving this. It was my beautiful, caring, and amazing younger sister that really helped me grasp what I needed to consider. That I need to think about myself... but remove myself from the situation at the same time. Although those weren't her exact words, she helped me really come to a realization of what was happening. She helped me to realize what was likely happening here. I was being left, not on a journey to see other people, but this beautiful person was on a personal journey to find themselves. Although I knew this, I didn't truly know until now.

I'm still very shaken, and every time my computer reboots and I see this beautiful person on my boot screen... I feel that missing part of me. I feel my heart jump up as though a dog to a bacon strip only to realize it's really just the hand of the owner who ate bacon and was going to scratch their ear. There is still something very important missing but it's a sacrifice that I am not just willing to take... but I need to take for the good of this other person.

I love you.

That's always on my mind, and every morning I wake up every time I pray before a meal and before bed. Every time I think about the future and everything I've accomplished. That is on my mind. You... are on my mind. It hurts, but it just solidifies how I feel, it is evidence that I feel that way and always will. I want you to know that, and hold onto that wherever you go.

If I never see you again (God help me if I don't)... I would want that to be the last thing you remember of me.

I know there's a possibility that we wont be together in the same way... and I hope that we will. But I want you to take with you that I support you and above all...

Grow.

Grow, learn what you are seeking about yourself. But like I had said before...

Always grow brighter.

Never- ever lose that about you. Don't dim for anything, always grow brighter and smile brighter than the last time. Always with feeling, even if there is no reason. Your smile is what captured me when I first met you and it's the greatest captivation I'll ever find myself in.

"Above all, to thine own self be true."

Learn and grow, but don't lose yourself. You, at your core, are such a beautiful creation. Don't lose that, don't lose that kindness and purity. Those freckles (and you've got those) of naivety that always made me laugh because they were so beautifully so. You are beautiful, with make-up, without make-up, when your mascara runs, when your hair is out of control, and when your just too tired to give an audible answer and you you give a load of jumbled sounds.

You are so beautiful... and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Don't let yourself... tell you otherwise. I hope if anything in your journey, you find that out.


You are beautiful... and I love you.

Take that with you... and I hope to see you soon.

To my one and only one,
Love,

Tom.

P.S.

Thank you for being in my life and for being such an important part of it.